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How to get a girlfriend: Your guide to finding love
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by eharmony Editorial Team
April 22, 2025
Step 4: Get to know her
Some days, it might seem like everyone around you is partnered up, and you’re sitting there wondering how to get a girlfriend, or if you ever will. Even with all the dating apps out there, finding someone that matches your values and wants the same kind of relationship as you can sometimes feel impossible.
In this article, we’ll look at the various steps of not just looking for a partner, but sustaining a relationship once you’ve found someone you like and want to be with. We’ll also offer you a few tips on how to find a girlfriend.
Expert behind this article
Laurel House, eharmony Relationship Expert, is a relationship expert and dating coach with decades of experience in the dating scene, focusing on the latest dating trends and relationship dynamics.
Step 1: Know who you are
One of the most important steps when it comes to how to get a girlfriend? Knowing who you are and what you want. Being aware of your goals in a relationship is key to being able to find the kind of partner you want; whether you want something casual, serious, or in between. Knowing what your values, interests and goals are before getting into a relationship can help you figure out if someone is the right match for you sooner rather than later – a good thing if you’d rather not waste time in a relationship that won’t work out. A study has even shown that compatibility is an important factor for people when choosing a partner1.
Figuring out who you are first is good advice for another reason when it comes to getting a girlfriend – there’s a confidence that comes with self-awareness, which can be very attractive no matter your gender. Three tips for getting to know yourself better:
Take the time to practice self-reflection, whether by yourself or with the help of a trusted friend who can ask you questions. You can also try journaling, either using prompts to guide you, free-writing, or a combination of both. Personality quizzes are another way to get to know yourself better.
Explore your passions. Think about the things you love to do, what drives you. Remember that your passions don’t have to have anything to do with your career – you can be an HR executive with a passion for hiking, or an IT worker who loves embroidery. Knowing what drives you is a key factor in knowing who you are.
Try new things. No matter what stage you’re in life, it’s important not to stagnate. Make a commitment to learning new things, whether for your job or out of interest. You never know what you might discover about yourself!
How to start dating
Wondering how to start dating? Whether you’re learning how to start dating again or new to the whole experience, we’ve got a handy guide for you.
Step 2: Meet singles
If you’re wondering how to get a girlfriend… well, the simple answer is you have to meet women. For better or worse, dating is very much a numbers game, and the more single women you meet, the higher your odds are of finding someone who shares your values, and that you can build a future with. It’s true that the prospect of rejection is always there, which can be terrifying – but as hockey great Wayne Gretzky once said, you miss all the shots you don’t take. If you don’t put yourself out there, you’re missing out – not just on future partners, but the possibility of friends, too. Here are three tips for meeting new people:
Present yourself well. Like it or not, first impressions matter. You don’t have to be Hollywood levels of good looking – good grooming and dressing well can go a long way. If you’re nervous, try and remember they’re just people, too.
Be yourself. While it might be tempting to talk yourself up or even pretend to be someone you’re not, someday the truth will come out,. So avoid messiness, it’s much better to be who are right from the beginning.
Try different options. You never know where you’ll meet that special someone, so don’t be afraid to explore a bunch of different ways to meet people, whether it’s through singles events, taking a class, or volunteering. A dating app like eharmony is also a great idea for anyone wondering how to find a girlfriend online who shares their values.
How to make the first move
You’ve found someone you’re interested in, and now you’re wondering how to make the first move. Don’t worry, read on for tips on how to make the first move.
Step 3: Ask her out
So, you’ve put in the work, you’ve met someone you like and want to get to know better… the obvious next step for anyone wondering how to get a girlfriend in real life? Asking her out. The prospect of asking someone out can feel really fraught, especially if you’re not sure if she also likes you. She might say no, in which case it’s really important to respect her wishes and move on to someone else, regardless of what any relationship gurus or Hollywood rom-coms may say.
However, she might say yes. Which is why the best advice for how to get a girlfriend is simply to screw your courage to the sticking place, as the Bard once said, and ask. Nervous about the best way to ask her out? Here are a few tips on how to get a girlfriend this way:
Observe her beforehand, and make sure she’s actually interested. It can be easy to mistake simple kindness or professionalism for romantic interest, so take the time to be sure that she’d be open to going on a date with you.
When you’re asking her out, make it both casual and specific. Rather than asking if she’d like to hang out sometime, ask if she’d like to see a movie with you, or get coffee at a specific date and time. Making the first date something casual like coffee takes the pressure off both of you and allows you to extend the date if it’s going well, and wrap things up quickly if it’s not.
Make sure the date is something she’d like to do – if she’s a foodie, you could suggest a walk around a farmer’s market, or if she’s the outdoorsy type, maybe she’d like a hike as a first date.
Our guide for asking her out
Figuring out how to ask a girl out that you like? You might be overthinking it. We share simple yet effective tips on how to ask a girl out on a date.
Step 4: Get to know her
A date is only the first step when it comes to how to get a girlfriend. Now comes the most important part – getting to know her. While attraction and chemistry have their place, one of the most important components of a successful relationship is how compatible you are. (It’s why eharmony uses a Compatibility Matching System to find potential partners for you – and after over a million successful couples brought together over the years, we’d say it works!)
During these initial stages of dating, it’s key to go on a bunch of different kinds of dates, especially ones that allow you to talk to each other while on them. Communication is key at all stages of a relationship, and during those first few months, it’s how you get to know each other well enough to decide if you want to take things to the next level. Some tips for getting to know her:
The most important way to get to know someone? Actively listening to them. Active listening is a skill that involves listening attentively to the person who’s talking. Respond and reflect on what they’re saying and remember the information for later.
If talking isn’t your thing, you should find other ways to get to know each other better. Spending time doing things together, either on dates –
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